As I entered the operation theatre on a wheelchair, feeling nervous as hell, the scene reminded me of a typical Bollywood movie. Never had I ever seen such a set-up in my life. With several surgical lights overhead, variety of machines beeping around, unknown masked faces all over, I was only pretending to be strong. I felt so alone in there while praying to God every minute. Hoping it all goes well. With half of my body lying unconscious and doctors performing the surgery, I suddenly hear the first cry. OMG!! Is the baby here already. I quickly asked the doc, is it a boy or a girl. “A Girl”, she said. “Vanya has arrived”, I say to myself with tears rolling down my cheeks and a smile so wide I could still feel it.
Then came the magical moment when I saw her for the first time. She was red as a tomato and oh so beautiful. I couldn’t stop crying. It was so overwhelming, to say the least. Wow, so now I have someone who will call me ‘Mom’. My Goodness!! Like they say, with the child, a mother is born.
Now let me take you to the other side of the wall where they called out the father of the baby. Perplexed for a moment, Abi (my husband) realized it is him. “Am I a father already?” — he thought. He then stepped forward to hold Vanya for the first time. “That moment just FROZE”- as he narrated with teary eyes. He gazed at her as she truly reflected and justified her name — a Gracious Gift of God.
It was the first night at the hospital when Vanya started crying uncontrollably. Despite trying a lot, when nothing worked, I asked my mom to place her over my chest. And the moment she was close to me, she went calm. It was as if she knew me already, she recognized my touch, body odor, not sure what exactly but she felt safe with me. God!! You can literally give away everything to experience that feeling. You realize in the true sense how pure is this bond — between a mother and child. And you start to feel that you have transformed overnight. Your priorities have changed suddenly. You now think about your baby first and then everything else. That night, despite all the physical pain and suffering I felt, the only thing I was worried about was to put Vanya to sleep, comfortably on my ‘cannula inserted stiff arm’. I had heard people say that God gives strength to mothers to bear and raise the child, but I could feel it at so many levels from then on. It unravels your inner strength and PATIENCE (I am sure mothers will be able to relate). You do things that you never imagined you are even capable of. That’s motherhood for you!!
The first few days post-delivery are the most strenuous. There is so much you are dealing with at the same time, both physically and mentally. And all of it is so new, things you never did before but you are expected to know. After all you are a mother now. I consider breastfeeding to be one of them. It is the first chore that helps you bond with your baby. It is so precious and personal, a connection only you and your baby share. But it’s definitely not easy. In fact, a very painful (at first) and tiring process specially in the first two to three months. Although I had to supplement breastfeed with formula feed, there is absolutely no denying the fact that breastfeeding is the best source that provides the right nourishment to the baby and builds its immunity in the initial few months. Additionally, it helps you lose that mommy weight. You know the feeling you get sometimes, when you do so much and still feel that it was not enough, maybe you could have pushed yourself harder. I constantly carried this weight on my chest and felt guilty for not feeding my baby enough, despite pushing myself a lot. But then I feel that mothers too are humans, imperfect in their own way. I gave in everything I could, trying to become my version of a perfect imperfect mom to Vanya.
This phase strongly demands your family to become your support system in every possible manner. And I consider myself lucky to have been blessed with such an understanding and supportive family. I never felt that I was alone in this. We have now started talking about postpartum depression which I feel is so relevant and real. A woman is so vulnerable and likely to slip into it if she does not get the right support during this phase. I say it is extremely likely because the entire focus of the family automatically shifts towards the baby post-delivery, which is quite natural. They even forget sometimes that the mother is still recovering while she is taking care of the baby. And not just the baby, you are stressing yourself on things like body weight, career break and simply living up to the standards of a mother that has been created by the society. It is extremely essential that a mother needs the right support — both physical and emotional in order to recuperate.
When thinking about support, I feel so grateful for the extended maternity leave of six months that was earlier three (check out my pregnancy journey here, if not already done). God knows how mothers managed then (although I am sure they would have handled pretty well). But, the law that was considerate enough to understand the position of a mother, failed terribly to realize how important it is for a child to bond with the father. Why couldn’t a law be enforced for mandating paternity leave across the country? The number of paternity leaves as observed across majority organizations varies from 3 days to 10 days. I mean seriously, 3 days? So, companies basically think that it would be enough for a father to be with the child for 3 days and get back to work. And I am sure many others like us witnessed and lived through this pain. I recollect how exhausting it was for Abi to travel from Gurgaon to Jalandhar after every two weeks so that he could spend the weekend with us specially the little one. And, it was even more painful for him to bid us good-bye every time he left. While we talk about gender-neutrality when it comes to raising a child, our laws/ norms need equal attention to put words into actions.
There has been said so much in honor of mothers. And honestly, it is a privilege to become one. Despite all the sacrifices you do, like craving for the simplest of things (that seem luxury) example sleeping for straight 3 hours, eating without disruption, not worrying about someone else’s susu potty all day long; I would say that it indeed is MAGICAL. The journey that motherhood is. For those who think that mothers who take care of a child at home are “not working”, it is more than a full-time job to handle a child. A mother raises its child with all its strength, patience, will and ability. Actually even more. A mother loses herself to be what she is to the child. God. A Superhuman. A perfect imperfect Mother!!
